Goodbye 2

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

     This was my old post, shamelessly posting it again as i think i get less attention or appreciations compared to the hard work which goes behind writing. Enjoy reading anyway !

It was the time for our last Goodbye :-( 

As she disconnected from me 

without telling a reason,

without a hint of what went wrong

Leaving me bewildered & wondering in agony

I was sure we could work things out

whatever they were, with minor adjustments

I could change myself completely for her

I could have gone extra miles for setting things right

As I always knew I was not the perfect one for her

But I knew deep within, that this was not the reason,

a reason she preferred not to reveal

But I know for sure there was some other reason

a reason beyond my awareness,

a reason she never wanted me to know

I knew without a doubt that she could never be unfaithful

just fighting hard to accept her destiny as mine.   

probably it was an obligation

a compromise included in her destiny

But I know she could never have never been unfaithful to me

As she went ahead

She turned to look at me one last time

With tears in her eyes, & a trembling smile

Telling the obvious truth

It was not her choice to depart

But the result of embracing her destiny

I wish I could her hug her for one last time

as she kissed goodbye from a distance apart

For the miles we walked together seemed infinitesimally small

there was still a long way ahead, in the wonderland of our dreams

in the beautiful & abundant life

in the life awaiting to make our dreams come true

My heart was sealed for her

I thought of none except her

The faith & trust which kept our love alive

I know, i can never love anyone that way

As our love was most pure & eternal

With her gone & with unwilling desire to move on

I just have one small wish left.

I just wish her pain reduces

Suppressing the wish, she could be mine again

to live the promises we made long before

which seem to now disappear in vain

I know you will not return baby

I know we can never be together again

But I will keep waiting for you now & for ever

You can find me at cross roads where we separated

I will be there until the end of time waiting for you to return

Coz that’s the only thing which makes sense

In this life which is meaningless without you.

I know you can never be mine

Still I refuse to accept this reality

For what’s left after this

Is a sense of void without even a silly hope of your return?

The last flower from you will wither in my book

though the memories of our time together will remain afresh in my heart

there is nothing other than memories to move on in life

rather feels to move backward to relive the moments we were together.

Just once again.

I feel so cold inside

Missing all the warmth of love & care within

For there are only memories to recall

The ones to cherish for the remaining lifetime

Sometime’s life is bit unfair

Depriving small aspirations too,

For all the love we shared , I think destiny was more than generous

But this is just not the way I wanted it to end

I wish she could be mine forever,

Hopefully I could run into her in next lifetime

Hope she recognizes me then

For I will the same as I am now

Her mad lover boy. 

Loving her more than anything else.

I will miss you deeply, deep within my hearts

Amidst all these thoughts, as I realize the obvious truth

I feel a sense a soothing, a relaxed breadth in eternal bliss

For I know for sure that our destiny is not written separately

within no time, we shall be together

high up in the sky, just like a binary star

I will be yours & you will be mine

Pyar ke rahon mein chalna tumne sikhaya....

Pyar ke haseen ehsaason ke sapne sajana tumne sikhaya....

Zindagi ke najane kis ajeeb mod pe, jab tum chal diye apne raaste, tanha hum reh gaye...

Tere intezaar mein hum khade hai unhe raahon mein, jahan hum judaa ho gaye.....

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Goodbye 1

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Dil chahta hai ....a kind of summer of 69’

             How often we miss the good old days of our college & hostel life, we always feel to return to that life, at-least we find pleasure in telling to friends some memories we remember. I had never stayed outside my home before moving to the hostel of SDM college of Engineering, Dharwad. This rhymed poorly with Havard, & we shamelessly took pride to quote: 'Rejected Harvard to study at Dharwad'. As usual it was ragging & introductions with seniors in initial days at hostel & college, (Thanks to ragging in a way which made us friendly with some good seniors whose advice & help has helped us in long run). It was really nice being ragged by senior girls though, kind of gave a gentle kick. Then there was anti ragging committee formed, they were the ones who ragged, the best way to deceive the hostel warden. It was always tough to find time to study amidst all the hostel life fun. We were like the birds freed from the cage called parents & home, just trying to find wings - trying to explore many things which were actually fun, which essentially included bunking classes. They some scrap fellow came up with the idea of shortage of attendance. Now we had to be very calculative about bunking classes. 

       Elec & Commnc  branch - huge strength & we really had to do lot of work to score decent marks. Internal marks were always tough to get. There were assignments & practicals, they screwed if our outcome varied by just millivolts. Our marks were determined by the trajectory in the V-I (Voltage- current) characteristics on graph. We were interested in other curves rather than these curves. There were like millions of theory classes, loads of copying assignments(later in life in software job, we do this in more sophisticated way CTRl+ C/CTRL+V), getting photocopies of notes, labs & meddling with CRO -cathode ray scope to get the desired output. Many a times the fresh fragrance of books were felt only just before the exam. We realized the value of time just before a day of exam always, only to forget it again soon. 8085 microprocessor practicals - consisted of keying in like over 20 opcodes to do just simple addition. This was more efforts than LKG when i used to add using the fingers on my hang & leg in less than a  minute. Engg Graphics class consisted of something like imagining a line parallel to one plane may or may not be available in true length in another plane. What the hell ? it was so easy to imagine to sit in last bench & imagine & fantasize the most beautiful girl hanging out with me although it was so unlikely, these technical concept more than being likely, i.e being a reality were so hard to imagine. How the hell to imagine the transistor amplifies the current on which the whole electronics industry is based. Very tough subjects like Signals & Systems or Fields & waves only myself & God knew the way i understood things & managed to clear the exam, now only God knows. 

              Hostel had a central open roof ground in middle surrounded by rooms on all sides. Palm tennis is patented game of SDM college. Tennis court instead of racket we used our palms to hit the ball. there were few who were so crazy about this game that they even bunked classes to play. It was the time when desktop PC's became affordable for students students, & we found new way to have fun, may it be movies of any kind if you can understand what I mean. On a Sunday when there is no internal on Monday, one random guy would be glued in front of PCs, would get up late afternoon, exclaiming: Neough of studying !  kidding,  Enough, had overdose of porn, need to get a life !  All learnt the 'F' word & started to find it's usage in almost all the things may it be good or bad. I used it in my welding class for the first time that too in front of Sir. They give welding shield which protects our eyes as we should not stare directly at the flame. As I held it came out the expression owing to overdose of seeing Hollywood flicks & chicks : What the fuck ? nothing is visible neither the tip of wire nor the metal joint to be welded. 

        It's very surprising how varied personalities came under common culture called SDM. There are so many humorous moments i can recall, many more are forgotten though. There was a guy- Raj who used to sing Sonu Nigam's song all the time. By default everyone became bathroom singers as couple of bathroom doors would never get latched & you have to sing to indicate your presence inside. Thilak, who kept track of all things happening around him, just didn't mind interrupting you whenever he could making some scrap joke all the time. Sachin, whose room was such a mess, heaps of clothes lying around, not washed since ages, so bindhaas that just wear some jeans & hang out, all jeans looked exact similar & were originally had look to look very dirty. thats the most innovative way to make appear clean all the time. He found something he intended in this mess so easily, that it made my efforts of organizing things seem waste. If we are organized, after a while we may forget where did we keep a particular thing. but if its a mess, then that thing is definitely there in that heap. Then there was Pai, my friend, philosopher & misguide, who ate equal to ten people's share, i always wondered how come he so slim. Then there were good guys who used to simply mug up things & get highest in exams. There was a guy who used to overact just like our Bollywood actors we named him 'extra' for that. One guy used to apply Vibhuti on his forehead & I found him visiting some nearby temple all the time. There were few guys who kept talking all the time, just wished promptly good morning afternoon & evening just dropping in all the rooms. There were couple of them whom were silent most of the time but very strong personalities within. By final year we had finished all scoldings in English & Hindi unclassified dictionary that we had to come to common understanding that 'huchha' was supposed to be very high intensity scolding. But all this meant was 'mad' in Kannada. There were many humorous ideas like gifting a condom on someone's birthday & birthday bumps left a bad ache on the birthday boy. Holi was just tearing of shirts & making one unrecognizable by applying all the color all over. Then there was a malfunctioning phone, put a rupee coin & speak unlimited to impress your girl friend in hostel in same campus. Then, there were small fights and big fights among groups formed for some or the other reason like hitting on a girl, who was supposedly someone's girl friend etc. Once a guy washed another's underwear by mistake as it had same color & came & asked is this yours in room full of ten people. Next day was his photo on notice board with a quote : Get your underwear washed for free. We had cultural event called 'Fantasia' in which the participants from various engineering college in the state took part & it was a whole lot of fun. This also gave a chance to hit on other college girls as the saying goes, girls in neighboring college are always prettier & believe me it's true.  I played various roles in the 'mad adds' event naming a cycle brand as 'Max Climax' - condom brand for cycle ! Thanks to this esteemed opportunity which got me on stage first time in life for such a prank -selling a condom named cycle. Thanks to girl's hostel being nearby many found their love apart from completing their education, many hearts broke as well. Though we did not have a convocation for graduation day with black coats & hat throwing etc, I feel very honored to be awarded the title 'SCHOLAR' by some random guy in hostel which in short meant an intellectual person. I felt overwhelmed when the title was prefixed with common words 'Saala kamina Kutta Gomse Scholar hai be'. This was more prestigious to me rather than engineering degree score which was just a normal first class. I must admit I was never interested in Electronics field & never understood how that works, but this came with many many lessons in life. so much fun & so much insight into oneself. Life always teaches the lessons you never want to learn anyway. Then there were all kind of professors, strict, expert, kanjoos to give marks & always angry ones. All the scholars from hostel dropped in when it was the pretty mam's class & there was no place to sit. Overall, College & hostel life were great. The benches were filled in FILB - first in last bench order though we found that this order is not followed anywhere in our operating systems subject later. I became friends with all kinds of people, so diverse characters, yet special in some way, got to learn so many things from everybody, got to know the value of everything in life. Indeed life is all about learning, Isn’t it ? 
      The last semester was more emotional- atyachaar sort of painful, all guys learnt to drink & becoming all senti that they are going to miss each other's company. It’s more than 5 yrs now, all have moved on in their lives, taken their own trajectories. As I recall the sad moments when we had to depart from hostel, college the last goodbye was so painful, with a false promise that we are going to be in touch in life anyway. Wish I could run across you all guys & gals at some point in life & sit & share the fun we once had, just recall & relive the moments. Wish we could have a grand reunion in college campus sometime, but that's not gonna happen. Many friends are settled abroad. We once rocked the world…it was a kind of summer of 69’ those were the best days of my life!  I keep in touch with many through Orkut, Facebook, but days go by without even signing in leave out checking updates about all friends. 
   I want return to that Sid & tell sorry for hurting his feelings, tell thanks to Sameer for being there all the time, and Shalini to express my love. wait a sec, Shalini was that hot chick.Ah, it's been so long since I fantasized about her. Dude, she was awesomely hot ! 


    Strange isn't it, the irony of life, when we didn't have money we had all the company of friends & time to chill out, enjoy. Now we have money & working in a company, but no one has the time to share that chilled beer ! 
 This pic was of my seniors room, BTW we had strict NO for eatables & drinks in hostel, we assumed drinks meant Pepsi & cola. We were grown boys, No one needs to tell us to take a chill pill. We drink chilled beer all the time. 


But seriously folks, I miss the Sameer, Sid & Shalini, shalini a bit more of course, & how can I forget my love, my only love, I guess not one sided love. Wish I could gather the courage to tell her just once that she looked so pretty and I am madly in love with her. Probably she would have said that she too loves me. 
 Hum CRO mein waveform ko nachate rahe, aur zindagi humko nachate rahe ! 
      Aur najanae kab yun he chaar saal guzar gaye !  
Seriously miss those moments of highest levels of Awesomeness in life !     
     

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Inception: This was my idea !

            
             Inception movie is great, too out of the world though it’s similar to 'The Matrix' or 'Thirteenth Floor'. it was a long time i was excited something my type of movie out in theatres, usually i watch almost all movies downloaded from net. But I felt sad that this idea – the exact concept behind the movie was not just similar but exactly same as the one that ran across my mind & I wrote down. May be I could have sold it to some one who could have considered it as a science fiction movie stuff long time back. May be I could have made some money out of it.

           More than 15 years before, when I was probably studying in 5^th std school, I started writing book & named it “Beyond your thoughts” which was primarily intended to be a collection of my weird thoughts & ideas that ran across my mind, mainly in Astronomy.

           I wrote a subsection called ‘Simple things mean great things’, in which I go to tell about the physical significance of concepts like - choice, purpose, destiny, & dreams being one among them, Below is the exact extract of the same :

Day dream or night dream whatever you may dream is fascinating and dreams mean a lot to us. Day dreams are our aspirations or needs or fascinations we want to achieve in our life. We wonder what night dreams are all about because people dream on varied issues some meaningful and some not. We ourselves don’t understand what our dreams are or mean sometimes. Doctors and researchers have not yet completely understood the dreams. Leave about dreams we have not gained a complete understanding of our brains or minds, probably we will never gain a complete understanding I think, because how the brain works is so complicated thing. And one more thing, our brain has to understand how our brain works.

The interesting thing about dreams is that it’s a world created by our mind in which we stay believing it to be real or not knowing that it’s a dream world. You need to think in a different manner to understand what I want to say. In our non dream world we are well aware that it’s the real world or the non dream world and we can know and remember about the things happening in the dream world. But in the dream world we aren’t aware of it being the dream world and also we aren’t aware that a non dream world exists in which we stay for a longer time compared to dream world. Well you can say that, hey I may not remember just that thing that I thought or rather dreamt in the dream world that I was in the dream world and also thought that non dream world exists and I will return to it soon after completing my dream. Well u can also say that I just may not have dreamt of real world in my dream something similar to as we not thinking of dream world in our real world. What distinguishes the dream world from our real world is that the duration we stay in these two worlds. If we had a sleep pattern of say 23.99 hours which may have included a compulsory dream pattern of all time in it and we would return to the real world for a few seconds or milliseconds we would have thought of the real world as dream world and the dream world as the real world. Well you see the difference between dream world and non dream world. these two are different worlds one being real or something keeping us unconsciously conscious telling it real. We say our non dream world as reality because we stay in it for a longer time and believe in it or want to believe that our belief is correct.

You may remember reading this article about dream world as you reading it in you dream. May be?

But just one more thing. We never get a dream in our dream or what I mean is we never get a dream in which we go to bed and get another dream. I wonder whether we may be able to remember about the second level dream if we return to our real world without returning to dream world in which we had a dreamt of the secondary dream. This may happen if someone wakes us up suddenly when we are in our secondary level dream. If there are such multi level dream patterns in our sleep and if no one wakes us up we may get an infinite loop of dream worlds we may wander endlessly & its very difficult to think what can we remember after breaking out from all these looped dream worlds.   Anyway enjoy your dreams !

Wish2

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 12; the twelfth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

This is a story of a sweet girl Pooja & a weird boy Sunil.

                  They met in high school, Pooja's dad got a transfer in his job, & Pooja got relocated to Sunil's school. A new joiner in eighth standard, It was easy for Pooja to make new friends & get adjusted in no time as she kept on changing schools with her dad getting transferred to different cities. She was a typical girl, bubbly, charming & enthusiastic. You know some people are so good at heart that you feel happy when you are around them, you just have a feel good factor just when they are nearby. She was tall & after she entered the class she moved to last benches to find a seat. There was our hero Sunil sitting in last benches, totally unlike the other last bencher's, he was kind of weird guy, was afraid to talk to girls, he was very intellectual, but had some kind of inferiority complex & stammered while speaking. He liked couple of subjects & did not care about the other subjects. Sunil was a good kid, he lived in his world, he used to collect paper cuttings of astronomy articles wherever he found one in newspaper magazine etc. He never mingled with other sporty boys of class, but had few good friends who understood him well. 

            Pooja introduced herself to Sunil & as usual he was too afraid of her as he would be for any other girl in class. He just told his name & avoided the converstation though she started sitting besides him as this was the only vacant desk, She dressed nicely, talked humorously, loved to hang out with cool friends. Slowly they became friends. Science subject contained mostly of astronomy & Sunil was much ahead apart from this text book knowledge, he used to tell Pooja that what our text book contains is merely a collection of facts & figures, real universe in out there to explore. He used to talk about various mysteries of the universe & Pooja was fascinated by this & share his wonderment too. She appreciated his ideas a lot & Sunil as well. Sunil just liked her company as she used to listen patiently to his crazy ideas.

                 This was not a love at first sight but a small dose of love at every sight thereafter & grew stronger. they had found good freinds in each other, both being similar in some aspects, curious to know about nature, caring & fun loving. They finished school & joined same college. Both were relieved, that they will get to be in touch with each other in college as well. Then Engineering, Sunil wanted to take up science stream & Astronomy later, but his family conditions needed him to start earning faster. So engineering & then as usual software comapny was the only option. They got their engineering seats in different colleges, probably this was good in a way because this made them realize that how much they missed each other, or rather they came to know how much each liked each other, though they did not openly got committed in their relationship. Both kept in touch whenever they came to their home town & mails & phones. They waited desperately to hear about happenings in each other's lives. Sunil had a malfunctioning coin-phone in his hostel, by putting one rupee coin the active call never ended until phone was hung up. This was a time when mobiles were still not very popular & affordable by students, intermittent internet access from colege labs to mails, orkut, twitter etc, this kind of created a romantic void & desperation to hear from each other. Both landed up in good jobs & began meeting each other. There knew that they were in love but never expressed, pooja was waiting for Sunil to propose & Sunil was waitinf gor the right time. 

                   Sunil was working very hard & had a grand proposal plan. He wanted to earn enough money for a couple of years so that the loan is replayed & have some money for marraige. After an year of his job, He fell ill for some days & was not keeping well often. He got a blood report done & recovered from this. But things had changed a lot within him. He started avoiding Pooja after that, he was very upset about something & never told Pooja, she could easily make that out & he refused to tell her though she repeatedly asked him, she knew his heart as much as himself. Pooja made a plan to get to know what's going on with him. What is bothering him ?  Shruthi their common friend insisted on meeting Sunil at a restaurant & asked him whats going on between him & Pooja. She told him Pooja is very unhappy about this unexpected behavior from him. Sunil refused to tell anything. Upon taking promise form Shruthi that she would not reveal anything to Pooja, Sunil broke out. What do you want me to tell Pooja, that I am having blood cancer & I am not going to live for more than couple of years. I even haven't proposed to Pooja & therefore no relation exists between myself & her. I know she would be devastated by this, instead i am thinking of going somewhere without anyone knowking where I am gone. Shruthi asked whether you love Pooja. Sunil replied, I love her more than anything else from the day I met her, the day she sat besides me in school. As usual he was just too afraid to express his feelings for her. He wanted to stand on his own feet, earn some money & then ask her hand. He burst out into tears & said I cannot tell Pooja, better she forgets me. There was a hand on his shoulder & that was Pooja standing there listening to entire converstation. She was in tears realizing that their destiny turned out to be totally other than what she has dreamt of. She told Sunil that she also had liked him the day she met him in class & told if he would have somewhere withut letting anyone know about this, she would never be able to love any other person, Sunil was the love of her life & she had accpeted happily that both are inseperable.    

          Sunil told her that she is a wonderful girl, she has whole life in front of her & asked to grow out of this situation. Tiem heals everything, just forget this love, & move on. Pooja told she had given her heart to him & she was that kind of girl who couldnt think of any other person other than him. If she was ever going to get married it would be him.

            Pooja seemed more than crazy, & because she insisted, they got married. After couple of years, Sunil became very ill. They had a baby boy. As Sunil was on his death bed, they held hand in hand & relived the moments of their life. school days & college days. As Sunil took his last breadths he said “I am sorry, I couldn’t be there all along with you, I Wish I never met you” & Pooja said “I always wish that in next lifetime also I should meet you & you must be the love of my life. She never heard a reply from Sunil. Now she waits for their son Anant, to grow up to understand the things & learn speaking so that she can tell the stories Sunil told her about the sky & stars & universe etc.  

               You may wonder, Who am I, telling the story?  I am destiny, sometimes I WISH, I should not be so unfair. 

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.